A Story State of Affairs

“But it takes years of training and practice to become a Protagonist. I’m proud to say that I’m one of the better ones out there. Not to toot my own horn, but my boss hinted that my next job might be a bestseller.”

– Adarsh Salagame

*Yawn*

Time to get up, Buddy. Up and at them. Those stories won’t write themselves.

Oh hello. Top of the morning to you. I’m Felix. And Buddy here is my dog.

*Slurps coffee*

Ah. That’s much better. Now. Where were we. Right. So, I’m Felix, this is Buddy, and we are what you call Protagonists. Basically, our job is to coordinate with authors and bring their stories to life. It’s gruelling work, because trust me, there are some pretty….. bland….. writers out there. But it can be fun. Every once in awhile, we get to do some real good ones. Tam over next door for example, got this really cool story about a kid who turns out to be a wizard. And Ian, down from the 4th floor, got a story about some greek half god kid. Nemo from Block C has a steady job doing this detective guy. Real cool stuff.

But it takes years of training and practice to become a Protagonist. I’m proud to say that I’m one of the better ones out there. Not to toot my own horn, but my boss hinted that my next job might be a bestseller. Fingers crossed. Anyway, I’m getting late. Better get going.

8 Hours Later

*Door slams*

URGH! Goddamnit!

Oh you’re still here. You won’t believe the day I just had. I got into work three minutes late. A measly three minutes! And guess what Big Sam does. Big Sam is my boss by the way. “Big” cuz he’s fat. Not cuz he’s a big deal or anything. Just plain old and simple fat. Fatter than a whale with diabetes. Fatter than Jabba the Hutt on a see food diet. Fatter than…. I digress. Anyway. Big Sam gives my job. My Bestseller job that I’ve been waiting years for, that I’ve worked so many long and boring stories for, to Felicis. Felicis of all the people. That guy has the luck of the devil. He bumped into the boss at the elevator and just like that. Poof. There goes my job.

And you know what I got instead? A love story. Is it at least a good love story? Ohh no. Of course not. The author was out of his mind! “Extraordinary has been done to death”. I’ll show you done to death.

He went on and on and on about how ordinary he wanted me to be. Argh! Felicis gets to be the lord commander of an army to fight the undead, with dragons and knights and what not, and I’m sitting here, at five feet six inches tall, a college kid, not exceptional at anything, especially not at picking up girls, in the middle of “the most extraordinary ordinary love story ever written”.

What’s the story?

Well, this college kid, Rahul, extraordinarily average like I said, walks into a classroom, sees the only empty seat, left, which just happens to be next to a cute girl.

Guess what he says. “Hi. I’m Rahul. Naam toh suna hi hoga.”.  And she giggled. At that. I mean, really. I have standards. This is plain old harassment. You can’t make me say things like that and expect me to keep quiet. I could have been a star, gotten six books as the saviour of a nation, but instead I’m stuck with this guy. And the worst part? There’s going to be a sequel. But what was I expecting. There are worse writers out there and they have IIT and IIM degrees. I can’t even imagine how they come up with this, this….. nevermind.

And Wendy? She’s like satan in a bunny. She’s the one playing Rahul’s love interest. Frankly, I think she’s a high maintenance chick and a little off her rocker. She took on some teenage vampire books that no one else was even willing to look at. And to top it all off, she ate my cupcake. It had my name on it! Who does that?

Dream team. I know.

Ah…. who am I kidding. The only people who will be reading this are amateur readers who can’t tell the front from the back. It’s as much as those airheads can handle. All they want is to impress some girl with their “worldly knowledge”.  Bah. It’s a disgrace.

Wait… is that why you’re here? You want to be the hero of some fantastic books? Don’t get fooled by all the glam. You don’t see the underbelly of the industry. It’s a dog eat dog business, kid, where no man, or cupcake is safe. And if you’re thinking of entering it, think again. Now scram. I’m going to bed. I have a long day tomorrow. Lots of stories to weave. Good night.

– Adarsh Salagame

 



Catch the other side of the story on 
The Ordinary Bestseller


 

Cover designed by: Adarsh Salagame

 

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