Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the opening episode of our talk show Love and Assorted Ailments. Man may have reached the Moon and sent robots to Mars, but we are yet to completely decode the mystery that is Love.
We invite renowned experts from various fields to debate on a pre-decided theme centered around Love. Today with us we have Sir E. Brum and Dr. James Thinkerton, both psychologists, who will present their views on today’s topic: Friend-zone.
Let’s start with you Dr. Brum, what are your views on this topic?
“To all the females reading this message, I would like to make it clear that all my observations are based on the actual entries of a grievance portal set-up specifically for this purpose. Also, cases of men friendzoning women are statistically negligible ergo justifying my decision to ignore them in my analysis.
They say ignorance is bliss! But when it comes to ignoring your boyhood crush just to spare yourself some pain, you are lingering on the brink of the Line Of Control, the line of the Friend-zone. You want your limerence reciprocated!”
Excuse me, limerence ?
“Yes, the obsessive desire to have a relationship with someone and to have your feelings returned. Similar to infatuation, actually.”
I see. Please continue with your explanation
“As I was saying, you are putting up your defenses trying not to fall for her while your heart is already jumping between Cafe Coffee Day and Dominos for the venue of your next date. If you ever did that, I think you’d have a heart-attack. (Demi Lovato, anyone?) (What? Of course, this is written by a male author. How dare you?)
I mean, your tender heart is under siege by the dark forces of mental agony and heartbreak.
Hyperbole aside, as an advice from an experienced scholar in this subject (For more on the bro code, refer to this), I put it to you- Take lite and change the table.
Let go of the train! What good does it do to run after it when there are no empty seats? Turn the page. change the episode, move on! Don’t forget that while you expend all your precious thoughts to match her whims and fancies, your brother-in-arms at the adjacent table has already crossed the forbidden zone and is well within the castle of cheesiness and is planning his next date!
You must also bear in mind that it is a trait of the sub-species we call girls to portray affection via ignorance and indifference. If this is the case, find solace in this behavior, just like you did in your childhood with your favourite Hotwheels car which couldn’t speak. If not, go to the library and start studying to prove that she wasn’t worth it and that Quantum Physics is more interesting. (Well, in this case, you don’t even know if the cat is alive!)
Engineers have been known to pull out rabbits from their hats when it comes to problem-solving. Similarly, apply Bateman’s principle here which says that in most species, variability in reproductive success is greater in males than in females. So logically speaking, some friend-zoning is inevitable. Why were you the unlucky guy? Take a look at the Scarcity principle which states that being cool, aloof or hard-to-get makes a person more attractive and is a well-established principle of social psychology. You just happened to be the nice guy at the wrong time!
Lastly, in this quest for detachment, don’t lose hope because she was the one who couldn’t skip the e and let it go. Stay alert, you never know when you might end up friend-zoning someone with a similar limerence toward you!”
Thank you Dr. Brum for your views. What’s your take on this Dr. Thinkerton?
“I respect Dr. Brum’s views but I feel he has missed out on an important type of people. These are the people who were hurt because they committed to love in blind faith or were hurt intentionally. These people don’t want to fall in love because they are scared that they will lose their heart again. They don’t want to feel betrayed or left to the wind. They place a thick emotional barrier called Friend-zone so as to cover the traces of being hurt. They need time to trust people in their secrets. This world has many people who want to exploit others, that is why this has become a necessary evil.
There are people who friend-zone others just because they have seen some poor schmuck getting rejected. But, getting heartbroken is a good thing. Multiple heartbreaks provide experience that in turn makes us better at expressing and understanding emotions. Rejection makes people stronger.
The men trying to penetrate this shell have the support of their friends in similar predicaments. But the signs of appreciation shown by the lady are nonexistent. Her sharp brain will easily see through your clumsy attempts at wooing . However, give some time to this relation and you will see wonders.
I hate it when people can’t find their love because of friend-zone. But, the fruits obtained after crossing this bridge are worth it. You have gained someone who cares for you and trusts you. You have someone who gets along with your idiosyncrasies. There is no point in living a life without that special someone with whom you share your stories and memories.
So my friends, take a chance and tell her about your love and let it take it’s course. The Universe will always bring people together if they are meant to be together.
Life is a precious thing. Life isn’t forever. This is the ugly truth we have to face someday. Even love will have the same fate.
The Love phase in one’s life is the most precious of all. People who find their love can enjoy their company for the rest of their lives. I wouldn’t want anyone to regret not confessing their love to their beloveds. Don’t hide under the umbrella of rejection and get depressed because you weren’t able to express your feelings to somebody. Keep looking and you will definitely find the lucky one for whom you’ve waited all your life, without ever knowing who it was.
The obstacles in loving somebody may be numerous, but never let that stop you from loving.
CONQUER THE FRIEND-ZONE!”
Thank you Dr. Thinkerton. Thank you both for coming here and sharing your opinions on Friend-zone.
So dear viewers, don’t hesitate to take the leap of faith because you are afraid you will lose the relationship you have with them. After all, if not in the ones you love, who can you believe in?
as Sir E Brum
as Dr James Thinkerton
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