Dear Adam

How have you been? How are things going on? I hope everything is fine at your end; for it’s not even close to fine over here. I wonder what we are heading towards these days when I see the current feminist propaganda or the ideals some of my kind stand for. I wouldn’t deny that some twenty odd years ago, I was proud and was silently cheering for those. We are designed to be counterparts, to balance each other’s strengths, weaknesses and emotions, which essentially puts us both at the same level and not one above the other.

For quite a long time though, I wasn’t treated so, I was put down as inferior by a few to feed their massive egos and insecurities. I was seen as a source of love, sympathy, understanding and unquestionable loyalty, which of course I can be, but I wanted some appreciation, some importance to be given to what I did, to not be taken for granted. So I felt the need to emphasize that I did so because I choose to and not because I could do nothing more than that. I wanted to prove that I could do more, more than what I have been doing, for I wanted to be acknowledged, to feel proud that I have done something satisfying for myself.

That required a chance for me to do something. A chance I sadly had to fight for, because a few found the idea ridiculous and unbelievable, and a few saw it as rebellion against them. It was neither, though, my only desire was to make myself feel better. The oppression I received was surprising. It made me question if my always being there for you is a sign that said I have nothing more to myself than you. Made me want to do something even more, to break all those misgivings you seemed to have, to want to show that I was capable of doing things too.

And there began feminism, my struggle to redefine my limits, for the chance to do all you have assumed only you could do. I may not have been good at it, but I wanted to try, for otherwise, I would never know. And to my satisfaction, I realised I was good at several things. I could be as good a doctor, a professor, an accountant, a chef and everything in between. It felt liberating, that I could do anything I could wish for. I would have been overjoyed if you too could rejoice in my happiness, but you couldn’t at that moment. Yes, we got past the differences we stumbled on during the time, and you joined my happiness over time. We finally got close to what I have always craved- equality, respect and freedom. Close to. The struggle to achieve the perfect state of balance still continued.

But then, in the blink of an eye, everything just toppled, we appeared to be back at square one. Open protests, rallies, walks, talks, speeches and gatherings as fierce as they were at the peak of the movement. I did not get why, but apparently a few thought cooling down the wagon would cause the tables to turn back on us. And so it continued, and now I think it is at a level not too far from being self-destructive and toxic. And I have to admit, now it seems to be going a bit too far.

I feel like feminism today advocates giving up the femininity if not ignoring it all together, perhaps like some scorn it. Are they ashamed of it, or do they see it as a weakness, I ask myself. The feminists look more like an unruly misinformed mass, with every passing day. Because today, all I can see is ferocious fervour not for equality but for domination. Like a revolution which no longer knows its cause.

Empowerment they say, but why demand someone else for more power, or claim that they are so self-sufficient that they no longer need a man at all. A man wearing some tee shirt incites protests against him, that a woman should not and shall not be objectified or portrayed obscene, while at almost the same time, some women protest that they will wear whatever they want to, if they want to. A woman can openly give statements in lines that she can look for a partner out of her marriage if it is her wish to do so, while a man bats an eye at any woman, married or not, is a pervert that has no respect for women.

Makes me wonder what the logic is. Is anything a woman says applaud worthy, while a man, were he to say the same, is being oppressive, animalistic and uncivilized. Now might be a good time to remind you that it is only a few of my kind who see it that way, not all. Several agree that feminism is changing from equity type to gender bias. It is swinging towards totalitarian ideals.

We are a perfect lock-key set, that complete the system, designed to complement each other, a pair that syncs naturally, and function the best when working together, not one below the other and all I needed was that recognition, and I got it quite some time ago.

I hope you hold no contempt for all of us, because of the few. We will be fine, and on balance soon. Look at it like a spring that will take a few oscillations before it slows down and comes to rest in its stable equilibrium position. All we need is a little time and the friction that is ever present to decrease the misplaced momentum.

Till then…

It is a little too much to ask, amidst this constant aggravation, but give it time and some patience. Take care and write back soon.


Mounika Kavuri


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