Lifehacks for the Lazy Bitsian
AKA How to jugaad your way through college
What’s a life hack article doing among the tiles of TDB? Good question. This isn’t any other random ‘Convert your sagging dusty doormat to a magic carpet’ hack listicle. This has something for you in particular, as a resident of the dingy hostel room on this chunk of land, we call BPHC. Before I lose you nerds, this article has something on “optimization”. Phew, that was close.
Presenting to you ‘The Man vs BPHC guidebook’. (*cue faint drumroll*)
Not used to ‘Jugaad’ing your way through college? Be prepared to.
- Getting up: Accept it – this one issue has us all on tenterhooks; be it that sole day you wished to attend that 8 a.m. class to turn in your assignment, or that humanities presentation you prayed your friend would wake you up for. Twenty alarms didn’t do what they promised? This one will, for sure. Set your alarm on vibration mode and prop it up against a heavy book. Position the apparatus delicately in front of your fan switch. You see what I’m getting at? (Yes, mom’s technique works best.) If nothing else can jerk you out of your slumber, the heat of the Hyderabad sun definitely will.
- The water issue in the bathroom: It isn’t that one is always fortunate to find his/her favourite (not kidding) bath cubicle unoccupied. At such times of distress, when forced to make do with a loathsome tap that seems willing to fill the bucket only as time tends to infinity, but not ready to come to terms with the ice-cold water, remember to look heavenwards for help. Oh you’re looking too far up – I meant the shower. There is no better tap than a shower with a broken nozzle and you’ll be out, five minutes sooner than you intended.
- Walking to the Acad Block: “Dear Diary, today I embarked on a journey to a land unexplored – a land beyond the steep arches of the rocks yonder – a stiff climb indeed. But I made it.
(-250 calories). “Worry not brother, you don’t need to lose all that much flab.Heard of the path that extends from CP right to the back of F-Block – the one that wallows in solitude behind the Vyas and Shankar Bhavans? Turns out one reaches the pink halo of the destination a good 2 minutes early. Considering the fact that the average trip up the rocks takes around 6 minutes, this is good time-cutting.
- Having a second go at the mess (if the food is all that enticing, that is): There exist people among us, who do desire it, apparently. But do your heart strings threaten to split apart in guilt if you saunter past the thumb-impression machine, without giving it a second glance? Fret not, for help is at hand. As luck would have it, the machines are so designed that there exists more than just a split-second delay between the time you press your finger and the time the green tick shows up. So tag along behind a willing friend and press your thumb against that greasy glass screen a short second after your friend does so, but don’t press too hard. Two birds with one stone? More like two plates with one thumb.
- Surprise tests!: When the institute opens for the semester, make sure you spend enough time getting to know that guy who sits alone on the front desk. Chat with him, get his phone number. When you have the tiniest inkling of a surprise test approaching, phone him. It certainly pays to know the guy with the most number of check marks in the attendance register.
- Cracking your exams: You seriously expected a hack for that? Turn to your books, bro.
(Editor’s note: You are hearing it directly from the horse’s mouth. Yes, the writer is a 9p. Go, study…Compre is coming :3)