EULOGY FOR YOUR 10 CGPA

This article has been written as somewhat of a condolence to your T1 test scores.

*dun dun dun*

It’s that time of year when your hopes and dreams of that elusive 10 have become nonexistent, just like your internet speed.  On the flip side, you’ve realized you no longer need a girlfriend now that your CG can break your heart just as thoroughly. Whatever hasn’t been broken will soon be attended to by your parents.

But we, at TDB, know better than anyone else that the first rule of T1 is to not speak about T1. So we made a list of things to do that will help take your mind off of….the unspeakable.

So, T1s are done and dusted, (so are you), and now you’re looking for things to do to regain equilibrium with finding out the meaning of life being a close secondary agenda.

  1. Watch a movie….or twenty nine.

Feel a little better about your career path because someone who chose the same field ended up inventing DC. And it’s been changing and touching so many souls, everyday, everywhere. So console yourself by saying that maybe engineering isn’t too bad after all, and vow to make a difference in other people’s life someday in the future. But what do we say to making a difference? Not today.
So, today, wear your grateful pajamas and download the 29 movies that you vowed to watch because of your extensive research on IMDb and also because you can finally not feel ostracized in the very few social gatherings that you do get invited to.
“Whaaat. No. Of course, I’ve watched Silence of the Lambs. Pshaaaw.”
*try not to let it show that it was only 47 seconds before arriving that you saw the credits roll*
 Then grab some popcorn and rewatch Inception. You can revel in the knowledge that there are things in this world that are more confusing than your physics paper.

  1. Comfort food.

You’re working your way through the five stages of grief after T1, so what better time is there to treat yourself to an extra jalebi at the mess hall? Wait for that “friend”, who’s going to get full marks, to look away from their plate and swoop in because, honestly, don’t they need a little less happiness in their life?
Let’s be honest. One jalebi isn’t going to do it. Take the 212 and all the money you had previously decided on saving up and go have a day at the mall. Maybe if you’re one of those people who have any, then you can even take the creatures christened as friends with you. Ah, but the “exclusionary privacy” that the location of our campus provides, also makes the travel to this haven called mall just as difficult and exhausting as the Visa procedure to Mars. Poor Mark Watney.
Nonetheless, go out there, spend way more money than you had earlier decided, regret it, and collapse in bed after the effective 8 hour travel time completely sucks the life out of you.
“I just wanted to see how the other half of the world lives!”

  1. Viceroy (and no, we don’t mean the one on campus).

An entire week of exams has got to amount for something right? Release that pent-up T1 frustration by emptying your wallet at this ‘family dhaba’. *wink wink*
No, The Daily Bitsian is not responsible for the 83 messages you will leave for your ex-girlfriend.

  1. Recoil.

Following the U.S presidential campaigns? Kind of? No? Take some time out of your busy schedule to familiarize yourself with Donald Trump’s political platform and reaffirm the importance of education in life (or the seeming lack of it).
Read about the crises in Syria because every third person seems to be MUNning and you are over here wondering if the capital of India is Delhi or New Delhi, and if there’s even a difference between the two.
Read The Great Gatsby because it’s on the top Must Read Books in 3/5 sites you’ve checked out and also because you get to watch the movie later with Leoardo DiCaprio.
Start watching Mr. Robot because everyone’s talking about it, and also because you can pass it off as ‘technical research’ because it has the word robot in it.
“Of course, I’m working for Atmos!”

  1. Actually consider working for Atmos.
    This one is pretty self-explanatory.
  2. Have an existential crisis.

Put things into perspective by thinking about your inconsequential role in this vast universe. Convince yourself that petty stuff like marks and CG doesn’t matter to someone like you. *do the inconsequential hair flip* x4
You just know that life is bigger than this.
*eat fourth bag of chips*
Yeah, so much bigger than this. *munch munch*

Done? Now go convince your parents.

—-
If you still feel terrible, then here a mantra that seems to have worked for all test subjects. *giggles at test subject pun like a 7 year old* (And yes, mantra, I’ve been reading up on Buddha, I took Introductory Philosophy. *blows raspberry*)

“Compre phodenge yaar!”

The Daily Bitsian Grievance Lifeline
providing something to read while you finish your 8th tub of therapy ice-cream, since 2014

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