Campus Culture: Update Available

We hope you have been enjoying our user interface Campus Culture v6.1.4. We have devised an upgrade Campus Culture v7 and here are some features we’ll be offering in our new version. We have fixed a few bugs, carved in some new hacks to give you the best college experience ever.

COPYRIGHT: This article is heavily inaccurate with respect to the pseudo terminologies used. There is a striking resemblance to a certain search engine giant and its minion apps. Lawyers taking this case up with intent to sue on copyright grounds will be subpoenaed on the grounds of not having a sense of humor. And I am so sure my lawyer references are highly imprecise as well. Nevertheless, introducing daughter element of Campus Culture v7, Rocks.

Primary Features:

  1. Removed bug that causes people to return home every weekend.
  2. Removed bug from mess food. 
  3. Food can now be 3D printed at Karuturi.
  4. Rocks Autocorrect, (a.k.a ELAS) now works offline anywhere on campus. By default, ‘first yearite’ has been removed from the dictionary and effectively replaced with Freshman and so on.
  5. The Cultural Fest, Pearl gets a new special feature called Participation. And bonus feature called Profits can be downloaded from our website with a payment of $Enthusiasm.
  6. Update of DJ Nights allows the playing of tracks other than Baby Doll.
  7. New filter called Sunrise uploaded. (No end time, yay)
  8. ‘Windows’ calling feature can now be installed instead of Skype in rooms facing each other in Malaviya Bhawan.
  9. The ‘All Night Canteen’ app has been bought by Cinderella Caterers. Oops, it’s midnight. Got to go.
  10. Bug named ‘Overcrowding at Lovers’ Lane’ has been marked as ‘Could not reproduce’. (TDB thanks the genius mind of Subham Soni for this. All offense taken can be directed towards him.)
  11. The all new Rocks Translate app has been developed to break linguistic barriers on campus. This app has been built with a vision that interlingual, intercultural mingling happens to ensure a holistic and integrated campus culture.
  12. Antivirus called Minding Own Business comes pre-installed.
  13. Rocks Maps still returns No Route Found under Advanced Settings: ‘No PDA’.
  14. Rocks Drive is going to expand into hardware as well as software territories, with the addition of 4 new notice boards near the Bhawans and the inclusion of a censored online portal under the initials SWD. So Woefully Difficult to upload.
  15. The Lite version of Campus Culture is no longer available because it’s time we have a strong, confident campus culture with people who just won’t put a label of ‘lite’ on everything. We feel like our clients deserve the best, and hence the upgrade includes a version where its entities just won’t give up and actually take an interest to leave their marks in the upcoming updates.
  16. Student Mentorship Program is finally out of Beta testing and is now a fully functioning entity.
  17. Malware named Animosity has been evicted. Collaboration and amicability among different clubs and its members has been proposed.
  18. Variable Student has been recognized as Human data type and has been initialized to be Happy.
  19. Rocks Search Engine has hired The Daily Bitsian as its database. *distant cough which sounds like ‘Click for gossip’*
  20. Bug Fix Required – All weekdays are still behaving as Sundays. Sundays are still marked as absolutely, sinfully, painstakingly uneventful.

ADVISORY: This is only an article on The Daily Bitsian. To actually avail yourself of the update, do get out of your rooms and take a stance to do something about it.

Meghana Kumar

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2 thoughts on “Campus Culture: Update Available

  1. Comment on “Advisory”: “avail” can only be followed by a reflexive pronoun — herself, himself etc….Please note

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