So, it has been a while since the semester started; the freshers have settled in and the seniors’ “intros” and “interactions” have died down. It’s about time that someone dissected these happenings and had a look at it. Yes yes, all the interactions ever made were in the positive sense, they were trying to develop a friendship with the juniors, blah blah blah. So far, this blog has had a lot of guides about this college from all the seniors.
It’s time we present to you, ‘The guide to your seniors: A FRESHER perspective (pun intended)’.
Specimen 1: The Nasty Douche
These are the kind of people who would go to a junior on the very first day he gets admission here and ask his name and room number, all smiles, their dimples curling. He’ll then say, “I’ll come to your room; you’ll have to entertain me”. Seriously? This will scare the guts out of any kid on his first day and send him into a frenzied paranoia where he’d get a completely wrong idea about college.
Specimen 2: The Mentor
He’ll be the mentor assigned to you under the Student Mentorship Program. He’ll say you can call him for anything you want, even at 4 am in the morning. You’ll be the happiest junior alive – you think you’ve found your hero! These people are known for their timetable fetishes and are super willing to lend help to those who seek it. He solemnly swears to protect you against other seniors in their hostel, as you eagerly take down his phone number. It’s when the inevitable happens and when you HAVE to go to B2XX to get text books, that you see him standing there with arms folded, waiting for you to begin your “entertainment show”. Oh look, he even got you a large audience. How nice.
Specimen 3: The Campaigner
A rare species that comes out of hibernation only during election season. Though on the brighter side you don’t have to go outside, on the not so brighter side, they’ll come to the K3XX and the R1XX and spend excruciatingly long hours trying to get your votes. Once they start, the time until they stop is inversely proportional to the number of nods per minute you can make. Their signature dialogue is :“I’m not trying to do negative campaigning, but the other candidate….”.
Specimen 4: The Lone Mess Wolf
He’s always in the mess alone waiting for someone. You’ll always find him whenever you go there. Is it just an amazing coincidence that your meal times coincide? No. He’s just always there sitting by a table with first yearites. A little perturbed, you choose to go to the night canteen and lo! Guess who happens to be there again. Just when you seriously start doubting his food habits, surprise surprise he’s again at Viceroy, sitting alone.
Specimen 5: The North Star
He’s going to be the person who’ll guide you through EVERYTHING. Literally. He’ll always be there to help you. Nine times out of ten, he’ll be the first senior you would’ve interacted with in this place. Right from giving you text books to teaching you EG, he’ll be there. Is he obligated to? He simply does.
Specimen 6: The GWFTSRBGTOSTHCHFAM (Guy Who Waits For The Shankar-Ram Bhavan Gate To Open So That He Can Have Fun After Midnight)
Specimen 7: The “Why So CS?” Guy
Ever interacted with the guy who wanted to know why you took CS? Yeah, that’s him.
“Give me a reason other than package.”
“Uhh… I like coding? (I think)”
In all likelihood he is a 10 pointer who will give you advice about EVERYTHING on campus-everything except how to be a 10 pointer. He will tell you about the bleak prospects of the IT field and how he is looking for a non-CS job.
You’ll see him three years later though, with a status about his IT job.
Specimen 8: The Hardheaded Linguistic
Don’t know Hindi or Telugu? Revel in their mockery, as they continually speak to you in Hindi or Telugu. So you’ll be standing there not knowing whether to smile or to stick him with a pitchfork. Vain attempts to pick up a familiar word from his speech are soon replaced by thoughts on how to buy a pitchfork.
Specimen 9: The Junior girl thief
So apparently, being a year senior gives them exclusive rights to hit on girls, and immunity from junior boys who plead otherwise. So the decline in girl population as batches progress is a very serious issue, which these people have no consideration for. 106 girls! Please leave some for us. Either way, this is what probably happens:
Senior guy: “So would you like to go out for coffee sometime?”
Junior girl: “But bhaiyya…”
Specimen 10: The Club/Department fellows
Once you get to know them, these are awfully cheerful folks. When you’re in the club with them, you slowly learn how to be good at sarcasm. In due time, you’ll learn how to treat your juniors next year and hope they don’t write something like this.
DISCLAIMER: Everything in the manuscript above is just amplified thoughts of a student, for the sake of fun reading. No seniors were harmed in the making of this document.
-Name withheld to protect author from disgruntled seniors