The Truth About Internships

If you thought internships were about learning new things and working hard, think again.

Garv Malik is a highly frustrated fourth year civil engineering student who lives his life true to the sayings of the Monk. This article is mostly in jest and highly underestimates the value of the internship programmes offered by BITS. This is meant to be humorous, and does not indicate the actual views of Garv, BPHC, or The Daily Bitsian. Read on, as Garv vents out his frustration in a highly entertaining satiric piece.

Intern(n) : free labourer who works for a piece of paper called certificate and can be bullied around without human rights. Some of them may demand minimal amounts of money (called stipend) which may be denied.

As BITS believes strongly in industrial exposure, they have made two internships compulsory as a part of the curriculum. They are known as PS-1 and PS-2, which last 2 and 6 months respectively.

In the real world, there are two kinds of interns: paid interns and unpaid interns. BITS has created a new sect called “Paid-to-be-interns” because we pay 30,000* and 1,20,000* to work for a company, sometimes for free. In the 21st century, this is an evolved version of slavery, where the industry receives educated interns (read slaves).

These interns follow a certain almost-religious ritual called “LITE”, which enables them to kill more time than was thought possible by any human or superhuman. A popular question that greets many students who finish their internships is: “on a scale of Bhilai Steel Plant interns to BARC interns, how hard did you work?”

These interns try to choose which type of internship and location they get, but the final decision lies in the hands of a very complex organization called PS division, who follows a top secret algorithm for allotment. This world renowned algorithm has been said to have given the CIA sleepless nights. If rumours are to be believed, Microsoft challenged all its employees to a face-off: they either understand the algorithm, or they get fired; this was why the recent layoffs happened. Then, they recruited Pranav Vertical Kabra and he made them understand that they were wasting their time.

The algorithm is biased towards the females, just like every student, lab assistant, shopkeeper, living and non-living object on campus.

Many of the jobless fellows (they call themselves as core branches, i.e. civil and mechanical) use PS-2 to secure a job in a finance and analytics, so that they can pay for their own internet after college, at least.

PS-1 is more of a vacation for most. Some prefer taking it in their hometowns. Every 2nd year student is greeted with a “what do you even know” expression on their first day, either verbally or as a gesture. After days of insult, some interns manage to get some productive work: which they will realize in their fourth year, was completely useless. Others manage to find better usage of time by watching all possible TV series, which helps in their overall development and general awareness. If I had it my way, I would change the syllabus of UPSC exam and IAS such that aspirants would have to watch TV series to get through. That way, at least I’d pass.

Garv Malik

*Subject to increase, of course


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