Five Promises You’ll Never Keep

  1. I solemnly swear… I will become a nerd this semester and raise my CGPA.
    Not a newbie thing. Remember those frenzied late nights and frantic prayers during school exams? Well, college will not change that one iota. Like most people who engage in this attempt repeatedly (and end up failing – repeatedly), an unprecedented (?) turn of events is bound to derail the best pre-exam timetables and send you scrambling into all-nighters than ever before. We have even started night canteens during exams to help ourselves stay up.

    PROBABILITY OF FAILURE: 50% (Just for encouragement purpose. You shall gauge the real statistics soon enough.)

  1. I solemnly swear… I will take a bath every day.
    If this one sounds too disgusting, try poking your scrunched up noses into the average senior’s room (or on second thoughts, don’t – these harsh habitats should be traversed by experts only and the magazine does not wish to be responsible for any tragic, untimely nausea that may occur). A safer way is to keep track of clothing changes – more applicable to boys’ hostels. Now we know why laundry is not much of a male headache.

    PROBABILITY OF FAILURE:  75% (Random hygiene freaks – and I mean FREAKS, not just enthusiasts – and localities who must wash up on weekly trips home, maintain appreciable chances of success.)

  1. I solemnly swear… I will keep an organized room – or at least know where my belongings are.
    You will not. Simple as that. Save for the occasional neat freak (yours truly included), you will be running around hunting for assorted belongings and a place to sleep all over your bed and floor and corridor and hostel in all-too-short time. And you will never have your own pens. That is the gospel truth for the majority. Even neat freaks have a hard time keeping up appearances. But at least we can sleep on most of our bed. Trust me, that counts.

    PROBABILITY OF FAILURE:  80% (Judging by the number of stares my room gets.)

  1. I solemnly swear… I am carrying my laptop primarily for academic purposes.
    Even as you assure yourself otherwise, deep down you really know this resolution is doomed to fail. Save for cramming slides by professor’s in the wee hours preceding an exam, the laptop at BITS has a grasp firmer than a narcotic. With DC and DotA (the LAN game – not the department) diverting your attention left and right, few can focus straight ahead at all that is helpful and academic and nerdy (read: Boring). Soon enough, you will be downloading CMS material religiously, then switch to a game or a movie marathon and never touch that folder again.

    PROBABILITY OF FAILURE:  90% (Yes. That is the sad truth.)

  1. I solemnly swear… I will attend all my classes.
    BITS 101 to an awesome high grade – simply attend all your classes. BITS 102 – That 101 will never happen. Ever. (Save for the rare higher souls beyond reach of earthly mortals, bless them.) If you’re at BITS, you bunk classes. Period. The quantity of bunked classes may vary in proportion to sincerity levels, but 100% attendance is not a resolution you wish to guilt yourself over at the end of the year.

    PROBABILITY OF FAILURE: 99.999999 100% (This. Will. Happen. Accept it.)


Reeti Sarkar

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